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Single Moms United
Encouraging and motivating single mothers, reminding them of their strength and determination. They can succeed as a single parent as long as they remain focused.
Its not about how you arrived at the TITLE, but, what you do with it!
Single Moms United
Breaking the Cycle of Absent Fathers
Navigating the reality of father absence is paramount for single mothers who strive to support their children emotionally. The episode dives into the reasons for paternal absence, how to engage children in healthy conversations about it, and the resources that can help both parent and child thrive in this dynamic.
• Understanding the reasons behind father absence
• The importance of narrative when discussing a father's role
• Recognizing and addressing behavioral changes in children
• Resources available for emotional support
• Maintaining connections with the father's family
• Long-term effects of absence on a child's identity
• Strategies for effective co-parenting and conflict resolution
• Breaking generational cycles of abandonment and neglect
Take action and consult the resources discussed in this episode to foster a supportive environment for your child.
https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast. If this is your first time joining, welcome, and if you are a repeat listener, thank you for your loyalty. It's not about how you arrived at the single mom title, but it's definitely what you do with it. This podcast is designed to encourage and motivate you, single mom, and also invite critical thinking when it comes to your parenting skills. So this is not a one-size-fits-all. Again, hopefully, you can take some things away and say, hmm, I never thought of it like that. Let me see, this is something I should consider right when it comes to parenting. That's what this is all about and hopefully, by the time this podcast is over, or this episode is over, you are able to go back and feel motivated or at least start thinking about wow, I never considered that. If you have been following me over these past few weeks, you know I've been focusing on the letter I and extracting word choices that link back to the letter I and I thought it's something a little different, a little creative, to hopefully keep you coming back right and say, oh, what's the next word going to be? This is just designed to encourage you and invite that critical thinking that is required as a parent, right, because we're no longer just nurturers and providers, we are educators, we are mentors. So we're not just moms, we're educating and we're setting examples for our children so that they can be productive in this world. All right, I know you've been waiting, so I'm not going to prolong it any further. So what are we talking about today, all right? Well, I'm so glad you asked me the letter I and the word invisible. Yeah, the invisible man. Once upon a time there was a movie called the Invisible man. I don't know if they still have any newer editions or not, but Once Upon a Time was called the Invisible man. I don't know if they still have any newer editions or not, but once upon a time it was called the Invisible man. But, for the sake of this exercise, we're talking about fathers, right, that are no longer involved in their kids' lives. Yeah, that's what we're going to talk about today. So this is going to be a little intense and it might be a little uncomfortable. Maybe a lot uncomfortable because, as moms, we're more than moms. We're mentors, we're educators.
Speaker 1:What do you do or say when the father of your child or children is no longer active in their life? What's your approach? Well, the first thing you have to do is understand why he is absent. Why did he suddenly turn into the invisible man? What happened? Did divorce occur? Were y'all married?
Speaker 1:After the divorce, he said see ya. Did his living situation change? Jail is definitely an option. Or he moved. He moved out of town, he relocated or, the most common one, he's in a new relationship and made the choice for a fresh start.
Speaker 1:Or he no longer wants to interact with you because he believes it's a package deal. If he gets the child, he has to deal with you. That's true, but you all should be able to work through that and say listen, we can co-parent and be fair about that. The child needs this. It's no longer about you, it's no longer about him, it's about the child. And sometimes they get lost in translation with adult issues and, yes, the relationship didn't work out and that's okay, but we have to think about the child. We have to think about the children.
Speaker 1:If y'all just argued all the time, yeah, the child is put in the mix of that and this is the reason why and he might be trying to spare the child from going through all that emotional turmoil. So, as a result, he says you know what I'm out Deuces. Gotta go See ya. But you all should be able to work that out and know how to put in a plan for conflict resolution, right? Sometimes you have to agree to disagree to get along, and that's okay. I learned that the hard way, right, you don't have to. Well, I learned to pick my battles. How about that? I learned to say, okay, we agree to disagree, right, and if it's nothing detrimental, then by golly. What are we arguing about? So he wants to bring the child back at seven o'clock on Sunday and you want the child home at six o'clock Whoop-de-doo, it's an hour. Why are we arguing about this? If it's not impacting them getting to bed on time, then what are we arguing about? Just as me, pick your battles, mom, all right.
Speaker 1:Once you uncover the why he is absent, now you need to determine how you educate the child. Sometimes it's not going to be that intense, because it depends on how involved he was in the child's life. You know, was it consistent or was it just birthdays and holidays? Hmm, so if it's just birthdays and holidays, he'd show up and say, hey, I'm here. See, then the response and what you're going to chat with your child about is probably not going to be very intense, right, because he's not there most of the time. But if he was there and then he stopped showing up, then yeah, you still want to have that conversation. But if he has been consistently in their lives and I'm talking about every other day or every day type of involvement then that's going to take a little more in depth and sitting down and having a conversation with them. And part of that conversation is it's not your fault.
Speaker 1:Children will take on that ownership of why he left, but it's up to you, mom, to explain it's not your fault. You all just couldn't correspond with each other any longer. So as a result of that, he went next door and you're still here, but he still loves them and he should reflect that as well. That should not just come from you mom, you know, because one of the things that can happen is it can be emotionally traumatic for that child, with something they can carry into adulthood. They're developing that resentment and growing resentment as life goes on and that's not fair to them.
Speaker 1:You all should be able to work through things for the child, and then you also have to watch out for behavioral changes Acting out All of a sudden they were doing really great in school and now they're not. What happened? Because he's no longer coming around, he's no longer showing up, he's not calling, he's not doing any of these things. So now what is your child supposed to do? But act out right. So keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:So now you have to look at resources. What resources are available to help you through this? You're okay with him leaving because, depending on what happened during the relationship, you're probably like see you later, good riddance. But you have a child or you have children that are going to have to accept him not being in their lives. And how do you do that? All right, well, I'm so glad you asked me right, so you want to. If you can talk to some schools and see what type of counseling is available, I would start there. And then, if you know of a therapist or family counseling that's available, you might want to consult that as well. Especially if you don't know how to present or communicate what happened, you can be involved and allow someone else to help communicate that. Actually, it will be support for both you and the child that actually it will be support for both you and the child. Once y'all leave there, you'll know how to continue to nurture your child and provide that support that they need. And I would also encourage you to seek if you don't have already a form of relationship with his family, right His mom. Talk with her and try to see if they won't be involved in the children's lives and they may even allow the child to come over and spend time with them. Of course, if it's a good household, right, or good environment, you definitely don't want to send your children over to a bad environment, right, coming back with word choices that they didn't leave the house with right, or seeing things that they have no business seeing. But if it's a good household and if they are willing, then absolutely try to shore that gap up by speaking with the mother and seeing if she is okay with developing a further relationship with the kids. Just a thought those are the resources that you should consider Now as a summary of all of what I just shared with you.
Speaker 1:When a child doesn't know their father or his family, I'm just going to say it in my loud voice their life is incomplete. Why is it incomplete? Because it took two to create this child, so now you're down to one, and that's not fair to the child, mom, keep in mind. It also impacts their identity long term, because they're only getting half of who they are by just being with you. They've got to get the full picture, the whole outlook of who they are, because it took two to get them here. And then, finally, if you don't have this conversation with them, this is what leads to generational curses. Yeah, well, he did it to me, and now I have a child. So guess what? I'm just going to follow Lee, and that's not fair to that next generation.
Speaker 1:Children deserve both parents, mom.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I encourage you, work it out with him, identify co-parenting skills If you have to sit down and talk through it of what your expectations are, what his expectations are, for the sake of the child, please, I ask you.
Speaker 1:It's time out for our children suffering mentally and getting depressed and all of these other anxiety issues that they're encountering, all because adults can't come together. For the sake of the children. All right, ladies, I told you this was not going to be one of the more inspiring episodes, but hopefully you did find value and so that you can take this away and say, hmm, yeah, me and Bobby Joe, yeah, we clash. For little Emily's sake, let's sit down and work through it so that Emily can know that she has two parents, know that it's not her but it's us, it's the adults that are having issues, not her. And guess what? She's going to appreciate that? She's going to appreciate that later on, because now you just turned that generational curse around. All right, ladies, have a great day, a wonderful week, a marvelous month, and take care, ladies, and, oh, make sure you're teaching your child something this week. That's the goal, that's the purpose as a parent, take care.
