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Single Moms United
Encouraging and motivating single mothers, reminding them of their strength and determination. They can succeed as a single parent as long as they remain focused.
Its not about how you arrived at the TITLE, but, what you do with it!
Single Moms United
Imagining a Better Future: Empowering Single Moms Through Vision and Practical Steps
Imagine turning your dreams into reality simply by envisioning a better future. This episode of Single Moms United, I share how a simple act of imagination helped me set achievable life goals, moving beyond the monotonous day-to-day grind. Join me as we uncover practical advice and relatable stories that showcase the transformative power of imagination. Learn how stepping out of your comfort zone can open doors to new possibilities, not just for you but for your children as well.
Equip yourself with actionable strategies and insights to navigate the next three to five years with confidence and clarity. Tune in to ignite your imagination and set a clear destination for your journey through single motherhood.
https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast, where it's not about how you arrived at the single mom title, but what you do with it. This podcast is designed to encourage and motivate and invite critical thinking regarding your parenting skills, so I always try to provide some example of my own life experiences. So hopefully you or someone else can be motivated and say you know what? Hmm, let me think about that and how I can apply that to my life. Now, keep in mind, this is not a one-size-fits-all Now, if this is your first time joining, welcome. And if you're a repeat listener, thank you, thank you. And hopefully you are finding a value add in these episodes and that you're able to take it away and say you know what. I'm going to try this or I feel more motivated now. I was feeling down, but now I have another reason to reconsider things and you know what. That's what it's all about, and I've always set a specific goal of mine. If just one young lady comes back and says this was an encouragement to me, I'm now more motivated than I was, that right, there is enough for me. Comes back and says I feel better and if you want to tell me, you can visit singlemomsunitedpodcast com and leave me some notes there or some some comments there, or you can visit my YouTube page and you can also leave me some comments there. Would love to hear from you, ok, all right.
Speaker 1:So last week I talked about using the letter I and extracting words from the letter I, and I started with inspire and inspiration and then identity knowing your identity and your image. Last week was kind of part two to the identity episode that I provided and where I said you are now a leader. You are a leader of your child Maybe that's not the appropriate word to use, but you're now an authority and I use the word leadership because that's what they do and so I listed out all of the characteristics, or at least most of them, of what a good leader is. If you did not get to hear that episode, there's still time, it's still out there, it's not going anywhere. Go back and take a listen and listen about what a good leader is and understanding the traits of a good leader or a person in authority. That's who you are now.
Speaker 1:This week's episode is all about the journey, and with the journey there has to be a destination. When we think about leadership destination and our journey we also have to have an imagination to get to that destination. And no, I'm not writing a poem, but we have to incorporate imagination. Have you ever imagined anything in your life? That's another way of saying goals or having vision on where you want to be. Or are you just taking it day by day? If you're taking it day by day, I guess that's okay.
Speaker 1:It's like being on a treadmill With the treadmill, you're just walking in place, whereas if you actually get out and walk, you're going to see more things. If you went around and say I'm going to walk around the neighborhood, I'm going to go to the mall and walk wherever, you're actually seeing more things, you're being exposed to different things, whereas if you're on a treadmill, you're just staying in the same place, you're getting your steps in, but you're not seeing anything, and so you have to think about that. Mom, are you comfortable with having the treadmill mentality, or do you want to say you know what? I want to get out and see the neighborhood. I want to get out and walk around and see different sites and scenes? Right, and you'd be surprised things you'll see. You'll see little animals running around. You'll see people different people around. You'll see different kinds of cars You'll see, have all different kinds of scenery when you're out walking in the community, right? So that's the first thing. So that's why you have to have an imagination, ma'am, because you do want to go somewhere. Why do you want to go somewhere? You're a mom and you are in an authoritative role and you have children. They're watching and guess what? Ultimately, you have to release them into the world. You have to, and they have to be equipped Uh-huh, and if you have the treadmill mentality that's actually going to hurt your children. You have to look at it holistically as far as where you want to go, realistically as far as where you want to go. So that's what I want to talk about today is imagination, establishing a destination, and then, finally, I'm going to recommend some tools, some things you can do to help get you there and to keep you on track.
Speaker 1:Again, today I'm talking about imagination, destination, and it's also it's all about forming new ideas, imagining what could be. You know, when I first moved out and got my apartment with my kids, when I moved out, I was nervous, I was extremely nervous. Finally, on my own, I'm out with two kids, me and just the kids. People gave me furniture and different things to help me as I'm starting out on my own. So, as a result of different people giving me things, things didn't match. My furniture didn't match Me. Being me is like they're kids. So why do you need stuff to match, right? They're going to spill Kool-Aid on it or be eaten on. So, anyway, that's another story. One of the things I imagined as I visited other people's houses was matching furniture. What would my life look like if I had matching furniture? Not only just imagining just having matching furniture. How long was I going to be there, right? So initially I did have the treadmill mentality. You know. Just take it day by day as the kids get or got older. You know you got to start thinking about those next steps.
Speaker 1:Again, you are on a lifelong journey. This doesn't end in two months, three months, a year. During your journey, there will be challenges, there will be detours and there will be obstacles that will delay you from reaching your destination. And here's one of my favorite phrases and, yes, you are allowed to use it that's okay. On your journey, you're going to have detours and so forth, and it's the same way if you're flying right and I don't know how many of you have ever flown. But and now we need to learn how to prepare say you know, something may happen, because on life's journey something will happen. I'm not going to say might, maybe it will. And here's your response that's okay, it's just a delay, but I'm still pushing forward to achieving my destination. Again, just acknowledge it's temporary and you keep pressing forward. We don't allow these distractions and delays to hinder achieving our destination. It's just a delay and you can tell yourself that, regardless of what that obstacle is, it's just a delay. I'm still pushing forward to reaching my destination. All right. So a couple of things you need to consider as you're on this journey.
Speaker 1:You know again, in past episodes I talked about personality types. Are you an introvert or are you an extrovert? Why is that important? Remember, introverts we because I am an introvert we like to stay to ourselves. We don't necessarily like crowds. We're okay with not being on the party scene, where an extrovert is the exact opposite. They like to mingle, they like to be out and hanging out with folks, and that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:But you have to understand who you are, ma'am, as you develop your destination and as you start imagining where you want to be, because if you're an introvert, you have to look out for extrovert activities and think about those and how you're going to adjust to those and vice versa. So, an extrovert, they got to be out all the time and do this and that and the other. But on your journey, if it requires you to have some alone time, how are you going to deal with that? Because, remember, you're still out for that ultimate destination. Out for that ultimate destination and your destination is if I haven't mentioned it is releasing your children into the world to be productive citizens. No-transcript, you're an authoritative role and you have kids that are watching you that you're going to have to soon release them into the world so that they can be productive.
Speaker 1:So what does it mean to have an imagination? It invites purpose. Time and time again, I see young ladies saying I don't know what I'm doing, I want to give up, I'm just tired of being a mom. Really, all that is saying I don't know what I'm doing, I want to give up, I'm just tired of being a mom. Really, all that is saying I don't know what I'm doing. And you know what. I'm not pointing fingers because again, when I have my son, again, thank God for my mom. What am I doing? I'm who I get it, ladies.
Speaker 1:So that's even more important why you want to try to adopt this process or have that imagination. Because it is going to develop purpose. And once you develop that purpose, then now you have something to push forward to and now there's no longer a wonder of why or I want to give up, because now you have an understanding of where you want to go and how you want to get there. This is to invite critical thinking. So I kind of outlined a few things that you can consider. Use your imagination right, just like I'm using my imagination here.
Speaker 1:As far as to help you or set the foundation for your critical thinking, to begin your imagination, I recommend you start with having a three to five year plan. You don't want to do anything shorter than that, depending on where you are in life, but definitely between. Definitely have one at three years and one at five years, and keep in mind you're going to be three years older or five years older and your child is going to be three years older and five years older. So you have to think about those ages and where you're going to be to help you develop your plan, because right now you're young and spry and you're getting around and you're doing all of this, but, trust me, as an older person comes back to haunt you a little later on in life, you have to keep in mind your physical, how you feel physically and what do you look like. As part of your three to five year plan, here's a few things to consider as well. I already mentioned your age.
Speaker 1:Where do you want to live and why Do you still want to be at the same place you are now with your? I don't know if you're living with your parents or parent, or your renter or your homeowner. Where do you want to be in three years as it relates to where you are now? As far as living arrangements, yeah, that's important because as a renter there, you can call the maintenance man when something goes wrong. As a homeowner, you don't have that option. Ask me how I know. And if you don't have a piece of change sitting on the back burner, dig deep so it may not get fixed because now you got to pay out of your own pocket. Long story short again, where do you want to be in three to five years as it relates to your living arrangements? What about your job. A job just earns a paycheck. That's why so many people can leave from job to job, to job to job because it's just a paycheck. But do you want a career?
Speaker 1:Keep in mind this is where your personality traits also come into play. If you are an introvert, I recommend you don't go after an extrovert job. I say that because I was caught in that situation. I was miserable and I worked in sales for a good five years and I was miserable. Why was I miserable? Because it was a lot of people interaction involved. There was a lot of traveling involved. There was a lot of engagement with others. As an introvert, that's uncomfortable for me.
Speaker 1:Now, the time that I was a data analyst and I just extract data, sort data, export data, create my charts, create dashboards. I loved it why? Because all I had to do was analyze data and present it, and I didn't have to present it in front of people. I just shoot off an email and say let me know if you have questions. Even this podcast, right? I love it, ladies, as you are looking out and defining where you want to be in these next three to five years, consider your personality type and it's real easy.
Speaker 1:And if you still don't get it, here's a better way to understand it. You know the newscasters. You have the anchors that are in front of the camera. So I would consider them extroverts, right, because they're engaging with the public. Right, and if they're seen out in public, they're probably going to have somebody come up and say, hey, aren't you so-and-so from Channel 8 News? And they probably would be okay with that.
Speaker 1:And think about the introvert they're the ones behind the camera, the producers, the cameraman. So then you ask yourself, would I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind the camera? If you say in front of the camera, then you're probably an extrovert. If you say behind the camera, yeah, introvert. So hopefully that'll help you better understand your personality type, because it's going to be so important on this journey as you're striving to reach your destination. It also impacts how you react to different things. Right, and what you do that's your first task or piece of homework is understanding your personality type, because it's also going to impact your job, your career and where you want to go with that right and where you want to go with that right. Because I promise you, if you are in an introvert role, you do not want an extrovert job, and if you are an extrovert, you do not want an introvert job. You will be miserable. You will not stay. You will not stay. All right, let me keep moving. All right.
Speaker 1:What about your education? Okay, do you have your high school diploma? If you don't, do you want to get your high school diploma? So you'll need to research that to see how you can get your degree, your high school degree? Same thing Do you want a college degree? How do you do that? Now, for me, the manner I got mine is the job I work for offered tuition reimbursement. This is something you can ask for moms because, again, if you like me, you don't have the money to drop as it relates to getting higher education, but many of these employers offer that. And if you are looking for another job, one of your questions should be do you have tuition reimbursement? And I'd like to learn more about that program. And then there's other programs out there, but you're going to have to do your research on that to help you get your degree without going into debt.
Speaker 1:Here's another big one. I know I hear a lot relationship status. I hear so many young girls saying I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely, and I understand it, I get it Been there, done that as well. But you have to say well, what do I want as it relates to a relationship in three to five years? Do I want a situationship? And my understanding and the definition of that is nobody's really held accountable. There's no accountability. It's more like a friendship with benefits, I guess. But you can still do what you want, I guess, but anyway.
Speaker 1:Or do you want to be married? Maybe you want to be married in three to five years. What does that look like? And then why? Or do you still want to be single? And that's what you have? To be married in three to five years? What does that look like? And then why? Or do you still want to be single? And that's what you have to do? Ladies, you have to ask yourself well, why would I want to be in a situationship? Maybe you want a situationship because you don't want your kids exposed to anybody and everybody, so maybe that's why you want a situationship, body and everybody. So maybe that's why you want a situation share.
Speaker 1:Now, keep in mind I'm not advocating any of these, defining them and trying to get you to think that's it. I'm not saying, oh yeah, do that. That's not what I'm saying. If you want to be married, okay, well, that's great, but why? Because that is long-term as well. Why do you want to be married? What is it about marriage that you think is going to put you in a better position? And I would tell you to take finances out of the equation, because some people get married because of versus in spite of. Take that out of it.
Speaker 1:And if it's loneliness, okay, why are you lonely? What is it that you think he can do to fill that void, to shore up that loneliness that you have in your life? And, I would argue, take sex out of it. Would you still want to be with him? Because you have to define what loneliness is? And, moreover, you know the child deserves to have both parents in their lives, moms, and if you don't have a good relationship with their father number one, why Are you anticipating that within the next three years? How are y'all doing? Are y'all talking? And when I say y'all, you and the father, is he involved in the kids' lives? And especially if you have a son? So what does that look like in three years if you don't have a relationship with them now? And that can be a goal.
Speaker 1:Or you can imagine having your son or your son having a relationship with his dad, and even the daughter, don't get me wrong. I just think it's even more important for boys, that's all. Imagine that and you can start working on that now. Hey, pete, listen, I know we didn't make it, but we got little Johnny over here and I would like you to step up and do more. You can start there and it's just that simple. And a real dad would say, yeah, yeah, that's my boy, that's my boy. So he would agree, right, and y'all can work out the whole child support thing and all of that, as long as he's in the lives of the kids, because that's important. So you can put that in your imagination and again, think how their behavior will change. Think how their behavior will change right, knowing that their dad is there too, right, and not just you. So start imagining, ladies. This is your opportunity to really say so.
Speaker 1:By the time you get to that area of releasing them into the world, they have had the best of both worlds and it's okay that it didn't work out between y'all, it's okay, but you still should be civil enough to be there for the kids, because at the end of the day, they are what matter. And then, finally, as far as your imagination is concerned, and then, finally, as far as your imagination is concerned, if you're relatively young, are you wanting more kids and, if so, why? My question is if you're kind of struggling now emotionally, financially, and raising your child or your children, now, think hard why you would want another child within three to five years and who you're going to have that child with. So now you got to think about that last relationship and why it didn't work, because you definitely. If you see the same red flags with the next relationship, then why would you get into it? This is all about critical thinking, moms. That's all that is okay To get you to say, hmm, when I was with him, he was abusive or he'd leave and wouldn't come back till two days later and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What caused that? Right, did you ever have that conversation with them versus getting into that next relationship? So think about that as I round out and finish this up.
Speaker 1:So today's world, we have the global positioning system, or GPS, and anytime we want to go somewhere, we put in our address of where our destination is to help us get there, and they give us tips and tricks and let us know if the cops are out and you know there's going to be a detour or a delay, or a car is stalled in the right lane or the left lane, and it gives you all this fun information as you go on your journey. So now, ladies, you are on the journey of life, so what's our GPS going to be? Well, I'm so glad you asked me. I recommend you download OneNote. It's an app and in that One note I would recommend you jot down or imagine three things you want to achieve in three to five years. Again, you can change the frequency, you can change how many, you can put one, if you want, of where you want to be, because sometimes you need to start small, right, but this is you, but this is just planting the seed to help you start thinking about it. I say one note.
Speaker 1:I have a laptop, a tablet and, of course, my phone, and there are times when, again, I wake up in the middle of the night and I told you I'm an overthinking introvert and I'm thinking about something. I'll quickly grab my phone, open OneNote and capture my thought, because once I go back to sleep I'll forget it. Right, and I think it's a really good thought. It's on my phone and then when I come and get on my laptop, you know I can easily open OneNote there because it follows you. So I guess that's a long story short. Onenote follows you on your devices and so when you do that, you can always have it there.
Speaker 1:Now the next step to that is add a reminder either to your calendar or to an app on your phone for three months, because now you've already jotted down your destination or where you want to be in three to five years and you've taken some of the things that I mentioned in consideration. Now you want to go back and say, okay, how am I doing? Because that's what the reminder is. How am I doing? Am I on track? Have I even come out the gate? Have I put the car in drive to move forward in my destination? Because my imagination is my goals right, or my thoughts, my vision. In order to get there right, you got to start making moves on it. And I get it. I get it.
Speaker 1:Things happen and that's why you put the reminder out there to say how are you doing To bring it back forefront, so that you can put it back out there. Okay, I'm going to work on my relationship with Johnny's daddy so that he can put it back out there. Okay, I'm gonna work on my relationship with Johnny's daddy so that he can be more involved in their lives and we're not gonna argue, and maybe that's, and it's just that simple. If you don't have a good relationship with him and all y'all did was argue, write it down and say, look, can we talk calmly about this and can we work through it to agree right on how we're going to co-parent little Johnny, right, or little Ruthie, and how we're going to co-parent? Can we do that, okay? And then y'all sit down and make a list and guess what? All of a sudden you're moving closer to your destination. Yeah, it's just that simple. Sometimes we make things too hard. We really do, but that's just one example. And so again so after three months you want to set another three months. You determine the frequency. That's just something I would recommend, again, to keep it out in front, because you're trying to achieve a destination, ultimately, which is to release your kids to the world. Now the moral of this story you do not want to wait until the new year to create a new year's resolution which you're not going to keep Right we all and back in the day it used to be very popular. I'm not sure New Year's resolutions are as popular these days as it was once upon a time ago, but either way, you have to have a vision, you have to have purpose, because now you're in a leadership role.
Speaker 1:Next week's topic is imperfection, and imperfection impacts self-esteem. Tell another single mom hey, it's happening over there at Single Moms United. There's some good stuff. I'm thinking about stuff that I haven't thought about before, and that's what this is all about. Everybody wins. There's no losers. There really isn't. So, ladies, be motivated, be encouraged. I would love to hear from you, share with me what you think. I also have a survey on singlemomsunitedpodcastcom. It basically asks about episodes you listen to and if you found value with them, and if you found value with those episodes, what you like, what you didn't like. I'd love to hear from you, Because if I can make these better, then that's my goal, because it's all about encouraging you. Have a great day, ladies. Appreciate you, take care.
