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Single Moms United
Encouraging and motivating single mothers, reminding them of their strength and determination. They can succeed as a single parent as long as they remain focused.
Its not about how you arrived at the TITLE, but, what you do with it!
Single Moms United
Rediscovering Identity and Leadership for Single Moms
Ever felt like you lost a part of yourself when you became a mother? You’re not alone. In this week’s episode of Single Moms United, we tackle the natural transition of identity loss that accompanies motherhood and highlight why prioritizing your children is essential. We’ll guide you through the qualities that make single moms exceptional leaders, from active listening to managing triggers. By putting down distractions like your phone, you can engage more deeply with your children and effectively address critical issues like school difficulties or bullying.
Facing challenges head-on and emerging stronger is the essence of resilience, and that's exactly what we explore in the second part of our episode. Life as a single mom will have its detours and roadblocks, but we'll equip you with the confidence to handle them. Building resilience is key to raising your children into productive adults, and we emphasize the importance of supporting one another in this journey. We wrap up with a heartfelt note of gratitude and encouragement for the week ahead, reminding you that it's okay to fall, as long as you get back up and keep moving forward. Join us to find strength, unity, and inspiration in your single motherhood journey.
https://singlemomsunitedpodcast.com/
It's not how you arrived at the title, but what you do with it.
Hey ladies, welcome to the Single Moms United podcast, where it doesn't matter how you arrived at the single mom title, but what you do with it. This podcast is designed to encourage and motivate you, single mom, and also invite critical thinking with your parenting skills. So if this is your first time joining, welcome. If you are a repeat listener, you already know you rank very high on my list, all right. So my last episode I talked about identity and I just want to clear up something around what I stated. And my question was do you feel like you lost your identity once you had the child? I want to clarify that that's what's supposed to happen, because we are now moms. It's no longer just me, it's we. So that's what's supposed to happen. So if you went away thinking what just happened, what is she talking about? No, you're supposed to lose your identity. You're supposed to make your children a priority. I just wanted to clarify that before I got into this week's episode, because I didn't want people to feel like, oh, I shouldn't focus on my kids. You know I should bring everything over or continue to do what I was doing. Well, technically good, moms can't continue doing what they used to. They have to stop some things. And, as I mentioned in the past, my mom told me in love, you know what? You're going to raise these kids right, and I'll watch them, but only while you work or doing something productive. And I appreciate that, because that's just code for listen. It's time to grow up, it's time to be mature. You have children now, so you can't go about willy-nilly and thinking I'm going to go here, I'm going to go there. Those days are over. So if you want to do that, you got to take them with you, and that's fair. That's absolutely fair. All right, ladies, what I want to talk about today?
Speaker 1:At the end of the last episode, you know, I gave you a gentle rundown of who I thought I was today and recovering my identity, and then at the end of that, then I said here's a place where you can start to recover your identity, and one of the attributes or the qualifications of a single mom is you're now a leader, and leaders have various attributes that they should adhere to in that role. I thought I'd go through, break down a few of them that I see that's important as a parent. Now, again, this is my interpretation of what a good leader is right, and you can add to it, you can do your own research. But again, this is to invite critical thinking and how you approach raising your children and what your role is as a leader. You're not just a leader, but there's some other things that you should add to help develop your identity. Why is it important for you to develop your identity? Plain and simple. You have kids now, or you have a child now. That's looking at you at every aspect of what you do. They're paying attention. Even when you think they're not, they're paying attention.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to try to quickly go through a few subtopics as it relates to leadership and examples of leadership that I think moms need to acquire and institute in their home. So the first one is leaders, listen in their home. So the first one is leaders, listen. Now, ladies, I know with today's technology and phones and including me and everything that I'm talking about here three fingers point right back at me we have a tendency to always be looking at our phone. As a result of that guess what? It's a distraction and as a result of that distraction from your child, you miss out on some stuff. So here's a challenge.
Speaker 1:If you choose to accept, put the phone down, either daily for one hour or weekly for one hour, especially if you have school age children. Why is that important? A lot of things happen at school that you may not know about. If they're not getting along with their teacher for whatever reason, you shouldn't wait or have to wait till parent-teacher conference to find out there's an issue with the teacher. I'm not saying that it's the teacher's fault. There just may be an underlying issue that you need to be aware of. The sooner you address it, the quicker it gets resolved. I'll say that again the sooner you address it, the quicker it gets resolved. The other thing that is happening is bullying. Bullying is real and I sure hope it's not happening. Your child may not feel comfortable with coming to you and to tell you they're getting bullied. You know why? Because you're on the phone, you're texting, you're talking, you're doing some things, you're surfing the web, you're on social media. You're doing something outside of having that interaction with your child when they need it. So, again, if you choose to accept the challenge, put the phone down for one hour, whether it's daily or weekly. Talk to your child. Good leaders they listen.
Speaker 1:Leaders also display positive behaviors. What are you allowing your children to see and I mentioned this before nobody's perfect. There are going to be triggers that set us off or ignite maybe some negative responses and that's a good way of saying it right and so, as a result of that, your child might see that. So we have to learn how to manage that, mom. We have to learn how to manage that If you feel like you're getting ready to lose your cool, excuse yourself so that they don't see it. So that's how you get that balance. Excuse yourself so that they don't see it. So that's how you get that balance. So if you still need to go there with whoever it is, just don't let your kids see it, please. Because what happens? You're planting a seed, and when you plant that seed, once it's planted, it's hard to remove it, and so now they're paying attention, and now they're going to replicate that same behavior or that same response because mama did it. Please, ma'am, try to display at least 95 percent positive behavior in front of your children.
Speaker 1:Leaders also establish standards or rules in their household. I mentioned a few episodes ago every mom should have a chore chart, and a chore chart is what your children need to do, either daily or weekly. If you don't have a chore chart. I challenge you to get one. Now. You're establishing how you run your household. That's what leaders do. When you put that chore chart, go over it with your child, right? So there's no misunderstanding. Well, mama, I thought you meant uh-uh. No, we're going to sit down and talk about each and every one of these chores that you're required to do and when you're required to do it to do, and when you're required to do it. Now, for my kids it was weekly and they alternated the chores that they needed to do in the house and then that's the other thing. Now you're getting that additional support you need to run your household. You can't go out, mom, and work all day. Go to the kids' functions, take them to this, take them to that. Also, try to keep a good, clean house. I'm just keeping it real. It's okay for your children to know how to maintain a household. Teach them how to do laundry, teach them how to load the dishwasher or wash the dishes. These are basic household things because, guess what? Eventually they get now, or they should be getting now, and they need to be prepared when they leave, and this is how you prepare them.
Speaker 1:All right, the other area and something else that leaders do. They teach and establish goals. In corporate, they use that word goal. Here's something to target for, to achieve and to measure that, whereas I want to change for the sake of this exercise, ladies, I want to change that word from goals to destination. Why am I changing the word to destination? Because you're on a journey en route to being an effective leader.
Speaker 1:When you're on a journey, you're going to go through various destinations. For example, where do you expect to be a year from now? Where do you expect to be three years from now? What about five years? And this actually links back. So I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time on this one, because it's going to be in the next episode, which is going to be entitled Imagination. And we all have to have an imagination, and with this imagination comes a destination. Look at me being poetic. Woo-hoo, I'm not going to write a poem, though I don't think. No, I ain't going to write one, but y'all have to come back. Y'all have to come back because we're going to talk about. I'm going to talk about imagination, and that imagination is linked to your ultimate destination. Okay, so, again, not going to spend a lot of time here.
Speaker 1:Leaders are also authentic and transparent. What do I mean by that? Be who you are, ma'am or mom, excuse me. Be who you are, don't try to fake it. I know a lot of people in the past say fake it till you make it, but be who you are. Be authentic, because what happens when you represent authenticity? What happens when you represent authenticity? You gain respect. That's right Respect, and we all need to be respective. And as soon as you get caught in a lie or get caught in not being real, there goes your respect out the window and it's really hard, ma'am, to earn that respect back.
Speaker 1:Leaders accept responsibility for their decisions. There's a reason you're a mom and that reason is you said I'm going to have this child, irregardless of what the dad said or the father. You're saying I'm having this child and you know what, mom, I applaud you for that. That's the first step into maturity is owning your decision. Now I don't know what happened while you and brother man was doing the deed. The child is here. You got impregnated and you said I'm going to have this child. Kudos to you, mom, for making that decision, because that's the first step to being mature. And once you made that decision, guess what? There's going to be similar decisions you got to make once, since that child is here, as far as your parenting skills. So you're well on your way.
Speaker 1:So give yourself a pat on the back. Hey, high five. All of that fist bump, that's right. Go for it, girl. You can do this Again. It doesn't start.
Speaker 1:Stop with just making the decision to have the child, knowing you're not married, you're not planning on getting married or whatever your situation is, but you're making that decision that I'm going to be a mom and I'm going to do the best I can to be the best mom that I can be Not a perfect mom, a good mom and doing the best. Own that responsibility. Now part two to this. Part two to the responsibility piece. If you can and if your mom is involved with helping you raise your children, tell her thank you. Had it not been for my mom, the wisdom that she brought in to help me raise the kids she can't be compensated for. Make sure you thank your mom. Don't take her for granted because she is the mom that. Oh, I'm just going to go over here and drop them off while I go do this, this and this and get my hair done and do what, what, what. They love their grandkids, but they also want you to be responsible. So, thank you, mom.
Speaker 1:Ok, all right, leaders have self-respect and dignity. How do you carry yourself, mom? Do you carry yourself in a manner that you exert confidence? Or, when you go out in public, for my fellow African-American moms, do you have the bonnet on? Do you have house shoes on? How are you carrying yourself in public? And I hear you well, that's none of your business. You're right. You're absolutely right.
Speaker 1:If your kids are with you, you have to consider them and how you carry yourself in public, because what you're doing you just again, you planted a seed. You're planting a seed on. This is how you go out in public. And I hear you why do you need to dress up to go to the store? You don't. You should wear an attire that is not as judgmental as it would be with putting a bonnet on. You might just put a ball cap on. That's what I do. I put a ball cap on and I don't want folks to see what's up underneath, and I get it. But you have kids now. You have to carry yourself in a different manner than you did before you had the children or before you had the child. So think about that. Finally, leaders are confident. They represent strength. They have the ability to turn negatives into positives, to encourage and motivate. So, irregardless of what it looks like, you put a different spin on that and turn it around and be positive, because that's important.
Speaker 1:Your planning sees a long life's journey, this destination that you're headed for and to achieve right, and so you have to be positive. You are the first attribute, this is the first quality of who you are and the importance of trying to practice that. You have to continue to try to practice it. It's no longer again, it's no longer just me, it's we All. Right, ladies, I hope you enjoyed today's episode Again, the next episode where I'm going to talk about imagination and we're going to continue and talking about the journey that you're on.
Speaker 1:And it is a journey and with any journey, there's going to be detours, roadblocks, construction, all of these kinds of things along your journey, and you got to be able to handle that. You got to display strength. You can't go through life. Oh, my gosh, woe is me, woe is me. This is happening to me. That's happening to me when you're on a journey. These are things you expect. You build that confidence and display that strength that you need to be a leader. It's okay to break down every now and then, but just don't stay there. You get up, brush yourself off and say, hey, let me continue on this journey. I ran into a roadblock, I got a detour, but I'm not going to stop here. Strength, you have to display that strength, that confidence that's going to lead you and to ultimately get you to your destination. What's your destination? Releasing your kids to the world in a positive manner. They're productive citizens. That's your destination.
Speaker 1:All right, ladies, I'm done. I promise you. I hope you have a good day. I hope you have a fabulous week. Tell another single mom, tap them on the shoulder, be encouraged. Look, we're in this thing together. We can get through this. But they don't know if you don't tell them. I see y'all coming back and thank you for that. I do appreciate you.
